i feel like writing.

In the shadows of that room, my memories lurked. That nostalgic, dim lighting, I basked in it's lonliness. Left alone by the brightness of the day and the warmth of the sun. The shutters are closed, I let go of the hand that held me so close. I let go of the ones who loved me the most.

emotion;

I don't know why I'm so emotional lately. I feel frustrated and stressed. My insides are twisting and turning. I just want something to hold on to, something to anchor me. Something to remind me to do the right thing. I feel like crying and screaming, but I'm not even sure why. I feel horrible as the days go by, and it's not optional, I just FEEL without thinking. My heart feels heavy and I just want summer to be here so I can rest. Reboot. Restart.

I came here with the intention of restarting. I came here to do better and feel better. To cut off all ties I had before. But, contrary to what I wanted, I'm doing worse. Only thing different is the people and the fact I actually find refuge in my church. But, how can I express how I feel when I'm not even sure what's going on inside my head. I cried yesterday without even being sure why I was crying. I mean I kind of do know what started it, my dad, but I'm not exactly sure why.

I feel so guilty, but for what?

no regrets;

It was my decision, I chose to do it.
After feeling like CRAP, I realized, no regrets. I'm not allowed to regret it. I knew what I was doing, I knew it was wrong, and I knew I had a choice. I chose to do it. So I shouldn't regret it. Just move forward.

This lazy feeling is tugging at me.
My stomach is twisting, I feel paranoid.

I don't like it.
But an expierience is an expierience.
Hopefully it'll be the last.
I wish someone would tell me not to, but do I really need someone to tell me that? Cause I already know myself.